Peter’s Patter - Ho Ho Humbug!

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Christmas is fast approaching and along with it the realisation that Santa isn’t going to extend my overdraft to cope with the cost this year which I feel is going to be a big problem.

You see, I was in Inverness a few weeks ago and was under the impression that we were shopping for Christmas only to find out that despite spending the equivalent of a small nation we had only managed to buy one Christmas present!

Trouble was brewing in the O’Donnell household.

It called for drastic action so I tried to hide all the bank cards to stop those internet impulse purchases that always mount up to a small fortune.

Unfortunately my wife discovered my hiding place. How she broke through the concrete I’ll never know.

So now we will probably be on beans and toast right up till Christmas but it will be worth it just to see the smile on those faces when they open their presents and find out I have donated all the money to raising a goat in Africa!

Only kidding, my life would in serious danger if my girls missed out on their Christmas presents.

They have grown up so much though that all they seem to want now is make up, Lush bath bombs and perfume.

Long gone are the days of Barbie and Disney Princesses although I bet they secretly wish they were still young and innocent?

Christmas is getting more and more expensive and it is nothing to do with the cost of living.

I mentioned my trip to Inverness but I forgot to mention that my girls needed to buy clothes just to go to Inverness! That’s like Christmas before Christmas!

Then they all have to buy Christmas jumpers. When did that one start and who on earth dreamt it up?

For someone unknown reason you now have to be seen wearing a stupid jumper or you are forever known as a grumpy old so and so with no Christmas spirit.

Just because I don’t like wearing a jumper with a stupid elf on it doesn’t make me Scrooge!

Anyway this year I have received the ultimate Christmas accolade which tops all the stupid jumper wearers as I have been asked to be Santa for the day to some group of kids.

Don’t worry I won’t tell them that I don’t exist or Rudolph died years ago or that mummy and daddy pay for everything.

Instead I will shout out my heartiest ho, ho, ho and swathe them in Christmas cheer then tell them that no matter what they ask for, Santa will make sure mummy or daddy gives them it on Christmas Day.

Now that’s the spirit!