Clown crazy

What is it with kids these days? One minute we can't get them to shift their backsides out of the bedroom and into the fresh air, the next minute they are running around like demented chickens chasing Pokémon characters or jumping out in front of cars wearing creepy clown masks!

These days if you turned up at someone’s house with a football under your arm they would just laugh at you for being old fashioned.

In fact I have seen, with my very own eyes, a boy dressed from head to toe in his favourite football team strip, wearing football boots and carrying a football, head into his friend’s house to play FIFA 16 on his computer!

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The latest Clown craze, where people dress up to try and give others a heart attack is pretty worrying, not just for those who end up being scared out of their wits, but the perpetrators might just have started a backlash that could end up with them being the victim, not that they won’t deserve it!

Apparently in the USA, where it all started, an idiot dressed as a clown jumped out in front of a couple in a car and scared them so much that they started up their engine and got as far away as possible whilst screaming at the top of their voices. I’m sure the guy in the clown mask found it hilarious but if he ever tried that in Scotland he would probably find that the car driver would have reacted slightly differently.

In Scotland we tend to protect our loved ones rather than running away. Any clown who has seen Braveheart would know that ‘retaliation first’ is the motto of the frightened Scotsman.

How many times have you tip-toed up to someone and shouted “Boo!” only to find that your friend has punched you before the words had even left your lips. You are then left holding a bloodied lip whilst your friend apologies profusely for his Scottish reaction.

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So pity the poor clown who tries to scare a Scottish couple armed with a car! I suspect he might find himself flying through the air and whilst he lies across the car bonnet in agony he might just hear the windscreen winding down as the driver shouts: “Sorry about that pal!”

As John Smeaton, the hero of the terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport once said: “This is Glasgow, we’ll set about ye”

So with Halloween fast approaching I would urge everyone to avoid wearing a clown outfit just in case someone takes it the wrong way. Don’t worry though; you can still wear a Donald Trump mask as that is a slightly different kind of clown.