Peter’s Patter - Tip toe in the night

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Whether you are married or just a couple the most amount of time you will spend together is when you are both asleep at night.

You will spend an average of eight hours every night in bed with your partner but what is the most annoying thing about sleeping with them? Please keep it clean as I am talking about actual sleep here.

I am sure you could all come up with a list as long as your arm but some things will only be mildly annoying whereas others could lead to a bigger fall-out.

The mild stuff would include sleeping with the light on whilst reading or hogging the duvet.

Annoying but no reason to head to Anderson and Macarthur to start divorce proceedings.

The next level would be snoring but that is a medical condition so unless your partner eats curry and chips washed down with a few cans of beer before heading off to bed every night then there may be some sympathy.

In our house getting up to go to the toilet during the night was our problem as it always ended waking one of us up as the fan would come on with the light.

If that did not wake one of us up then the flush or not to flush always would.

To fix this we fitted a motion sensor on the toilet which lights up when you go in the bathroom.

This worked a treat until one night I sat there too long and the light wouldn’t come back on no matter how many times I waggled my bum at it.

Amazingly it came back on the second I tripped over a towel and fell on my backside!

The most annoying thing has to be when you are woken up suddenly during a deep sleep.

Don’t you just hate that feeling of mild panic when you snap out of your sleep and try to focus on what the heck is going on?

Men tend to be the main culprit on these occasions as it tends to happen when we go to bed late and try to navigate to our side of the bed in the dark.

When this happens it is never the bumping of the bed that wakes your wife up. It is what happens afterwards, after you either swear or say sorry to no-one in particular.

Why is it when men swear at night they follow this up with another swear when they realise they have sworn? In any case even the swearing does not wake up your wife.

No, the only time your wife wakes up is when you go up to her face and say “Are you awake?”