This week columnist Peter's worried where his mum will stick the flowers!
At this time each and every year, people struggle with what to get their mum for a mothers day present that isn’t the usual chocolates and flowers.
They wrack their brain to come up with something that will ‘wow’ their mother and, let’s be honest, firmly put their brothers and sisters in the shade.
The only trouble with a mothers day gift is that every mother will say they love it regardless of whether they do or not.
If you buy them clothes, they will say how beautiful it is and how perfectly it fits them before chucking it in the back of a drawer alongside the other ill-fitting, ugly choices their kids have made over the years.
If you buy them jewelry, you should take a photo as she tries it on as this is probably the last time you will ever see her wear it.
Think back to every gift you have bought for your mum and I guarantee that at no point has she turned round and said “Seriously, you thought I would like this?” or “I spent nine months with you kicking me from pillar to post and this is how you repay me?” Nope, mums have learned the art of the fake smile.
Over the years they have practised on their husbands to perfect it when they have to compliment him on his many minor accomplishments, like his efforts at DIY or when he brings home a cheap medal for kicking a wee ball around a field for ninety minutes!
The only way to know if your mum truly likes your gift is to watch every episode of Line of Duty and learn the signs that give away who the baddie is. Watch for slight twitches or the eyes shifting to one side as she talks to you. The biggest give away is when she says “I’m sure I’ll love it” before she has even opened it. That’s definitely one to watch out for.
To avoid disappointment I have decided to give my mum a unique gift, along with some flowers of course.
This year I am going to admit to all the lies I told as a child. It’s quite a list and will quite probably end up forming the basis of a best-seller, but at least she will finally get some closure as she finds out what I accidently smashed and subsequently hid, and where that bottle of Bacardi went in 1980.
Wonder where she’ll stick the flowers though?