Peter's decided that dry January was a non-starter due to a soaking wet December!

Dry January was a thoroughly soaked experience in our house so we thought we would give the ‘wagon’ another ride-out during Lent.

Monday, 8th March 2021, 2:45 pm
Updated Monday, 8th March 2021, 2:50 pm
Peter's dilemma was what non-alcoholic wine to choose

Giving up alcohol when the news on our screens is as depressing as the weather outside is never easy which is why January is a complete non-starter.

After Christmas and a booze-soaked Hogmanay, most of us probably still have enough alcohol swilling around in our bloodstream throughout most of January anyway!

If you are going to go ‘on the wagon’ then a gradual lessening of the booze is required to ease your way into it. No point rushing something that you know you are not going to enjoy, right?

You have to prepare for the wagon. It’s not the same as Trainspotting when the parents locked their son in his bedroom with cans of tomato soup and a large bucket but you might need to stock up on some alternatives to give your hand something to do when it shoots out in a reflex memory to the table where your wine glass used to sit.

We started with some popcorn but halfway through the weekend I was wearing a bag of Butterkist like a nose bag.

We now had the horse to go with our wagon! I had locked the chocolate in the shed to avoid temptation but during one particularly stormy night, both outside and inside, my wife had me by the ankles as I tried to drag both of us outside as my need for Maltsesers was all-consuming.

We soon realised that although going ‘dry’ could be done, we would probably gain a few stone in trying to achieve it. The money we saved on wine would end up going on new clothes and XL underwear! There was nothing else for it, we were going to have to do something drastic, something we swore we would never ever do.

To me, buying non-alcoholic wine would be as embarrassing as buying contraceptives in Tesco when the checkout girl holds it high in the air and bellows “Can I get a price check on Durex Extra Safe please?”

I did it though and now we can sit and watch a film on a Saturday night whilst sipping away at a glass or two of the hilariously named NonSecco or some Savig-non Blanc. It works and we are now on week three and have yet to come to blows.

Cheers everyone!