Peter’s Patter - Boo Hoo

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It’s enough to make you cry isn’t it? When you find opened parcels of clothes that have been lying in a dark corner of a certain someone’s room and you get that sickening feeling in your stomach as you do the maths and calculate that they have to have been there for a very long time, long enough to have no chance of ever being returned to where the so expensively came from!

It happens every summer in our family. Before we head off on holiday there is a mad rush to buy summer clothes even though there are a multitude of shopping centres no matter where we are heading to.

I tried explaining that no-one will see them on the early ferry but to no avail. I guess they just want to look their very best when we tumble out of the car to buy a sandwich in Fort William?

It doesn’t explain the rest of the newly purchased clothes though as they are tucked safely in their suitcases.

Well that’s not strictly true as one daughter just opens up her drawers and tips everything into the case before jumping up and down on it like an Olympic trampolinist.

I should be grateful though because I am almost certain that if we ever flew away on holiday then everything in my girls’ suitcase would be brand new just in case they get called for a baggage check at Stornoway airport.

Can’t have someone rummaging through your old knickers can you?

Once back from holiday it’s a case of early dementia for me and the wife and just laziness for the other two as we forget to send back the stuff they didn’t like.

I reckon their success rate with buying stuff online is about 2%.

Wrong size, looks horrible, you name it they have said it and returned it.

My tongue is now half its original size from biting it so much to try and not shout at them for continually buying the wrong size.

Do they not understand that the definition of madness is doing the same thing twice and expecting a different result?

They just buy the same size every time and send it back every time for the next size up. Forgive me for asking ladies but why not buy the correct size the first time instead of trying to stuff your legs into a drainpipe?

In reality everyone thinks it is me who is mad after they caught me handing back an unopened Boo Hoo parcel to the postman.

He looked at me as if I was mental when I told him they don’t fit. Might have to shoot out his tyres next time!